


Mondays

by dieyoungandsaveyourself



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 12:29:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18469003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dieyoungandsaveyourself/pseuds/dieyoungandsaveyourself
Summary: It's Monday noon and Hans can't take it anymore. Matteo has been moping around since Friday and he just can't see him like this anymore so he tries to talk to him. When that doesn't work he calls Jonas.Takes place after s03x05, I honestly just wanted Matteo to open up to someone so bad and that's why I wrote this!





	Mondays

Monday 1 PM

I hear someone knocking at my door. I look up. Hans is coming in. I haven't seen him since we had that argument over me saying how he's gay-gay and how I don't want to be like that. That was a pretty asshole move from me.  
He looks at me: "Hey Matteo." I stare at him, I wanna say that I'm sorry and that I shouldn't have said what I said.  
I don't say anything.  
"I know I probably should still be mad at you - and don't get me wrong - I kind of am," he makes a pause, "but I'm also pretty worried."  
I continue staring at him and sit up from my bed in which I was laying.  
He sits down beside me on the bed: "You haven' t left your room since Friday and from what I can tell you didn't even get anything to eat. It's Monday Matteo."  
I stare at him. I don't get it, I've been such a dick to him. To all my friends actually. Hannah trusted me and I told her boyfriend that she kissed someone else. I ran away at Abdis Birthdayparty. I don't talk to Jonas even though I know he worries. I broke up with Sarah over a text message.  
Wow. I really am an asshole.  
"Matteo, hey, what's bothering you, hm? Talk to me. Jonas has called me five times over the weekend and since I told him you haven't left your room all weekend he called me another six times", now it's Hans time to stare at me. Now we are both staring at each other. Great.  
I lower my gaze. It's too much. It's all too much. I feel that my eyes are getting teary.  
Hans seems to see it too as he lays his arm around me: "What's up little butterfly?" He sighs. "You're making it really hard for me to stay mad at you, you know? If this is all a trick so that I forgive you for the shitty things you said, I can only say: It's working."  
And that's it. The joke is too much. Like everything else. I start crying. As if I haven't done that enough this weekend.  
Hans only hugs me closer.  
"Why-why are you doing this?," I ask.  
He looks at me as if he doesn't understand the question.  
"You're being so nice to me. I really don't deserve it. I've been an asshole to you." I'm looking at my hands in my lap while my tears are still falling from my eyes.  
"Yeah", Hans is looking at a point on the wall, "I know. But it's kind of okay you know. You' re working through a lot of stuff with yourself at the moment. Can't really be mad at someone who's so uncomfortable with themselve that they make people down who are like themselve."  
I'm wincing. That kinda stung.  
"Now, you wanna tell me what the problem is?"  
The thing is: I really want to tell someone. Not especially Hans just anyone. I wanna tell someone how I've got my first real broken heart because of a guy I don't even really know. Only because I had  this amazing fealing of showing someone a side of me that I tried to hide so hard. Also that it was the first time of really having feelings for someone and also having hope that they might be reciprocated. And then getting that hope crushed.  
I feel like it's my fault. Not because I really know why it is my fault but because it always kind of is. I never get anything right. I never say the right thing or am nice or confident enough. I'm just not enough.  
That's why the only thing my mum sends me are dumb Bible verses ore other cryptic messages about being a good human being. That's why Jonas always worries about me. That's why everyone else either doesn't really care about me or is angry at me.  
I don't say anything thereof. I only cry and Hans sits beside me for at least half an hour.  
"S-sorry for what I said", I tell him after I stop crying. "It's okay", he stands up," and it's also okay that you don't want to talk to me. But for your information: I'm calling Jonas...and I'm telling him he should bring pizza. You can't keep going like this. Three days sulking for whatever reason and not eating is more than enough."  
With this words Hans leaves the room. I'm laying down on my bed again and close my eyes. I kind of really want to and also kind of really don't want to see Jonas. I close my eyes. I start humming 'Take me to church'. When I realise what I'm doing I start crying again. Now I feel even more pathetic. 

Monday 8 PM

Jonas comes to our flat around 8 a clock in the evening. I still haven't showered or moved.  
"Hey Luigi", he says after letting himself in.  
"Hm", is my only answer.  
He stands in my room looking around as if he doesn't really know what to say now even though he only came here to talk to me.  
"Why didn't you answer me?"  
"Broke my phone", I mumble into my pillow.  
"That sucks."  
"Yeah."  
He stares at me. So much staring today. First with Hans now with Jonas.  
I start feeling a little bad for him because he looks so helpless. I sit up gesture at my bed as to show him to sit down. He only nods and sits down beside me.  
I wait.  
"Matteo... ", he starts, "I know I told you before but I'm really worrying now. Leonie told me that you broke up with Sarah. Amira told me that she was here yesterday and you looked like shit and were even less present than normally...by the way she was totally right you look like shit...but really when you started this shutting-yourself-out-thing I thought it was just a phase. I thought you just needed time going through stuff and all... but I was clearly wrong and Carlos was right." - Huh? Carlos what was with Carlos? - "So honestly please tell me what's bothering you? It's driving me crazy to know that something is eating you alive and I don't even know what it is."  
Wow. What a speech I think. I wonder if Jonas has prepared it in front of a mirror or something. A smile nearly slips on my lips while thinking that. But only nearly. Jonas stares at me expectantly.  
I look at the ceiling. There are holes in the wallpaper. I open my mouth to say something and than close it again.  
"You can tell me anything, you know? I mean I've known you for all my life...maybe we haven't done as much together in the last weeks as normally but you're still my brother. You could tell me know that you've killed someone and I would be like 'ok' and get a shovel."  
A tired grin find its way to my lips and I look at Jonas. Really look at him for the fist time since he's got here. He looks tired with drawn together eyebrows and bags under his eyes. I wonder if it's because of me.  
At seeing me grin Jonas also starts grinning. Now we only sit there and smile at each other. No one says something until I slowly start giggling.  
The ridiculousness of the situation is too much for me. Two boys both looking like shit warmed over just sitting in front of each other and smiling while not saying a word.  
Jonas starts laughing to. It is really good to laugh again, I really needed that.  
After we stopped laughing it takes me a few minutes to decide how I should start talking. Because while I was sitting there laughing I decided that I just have to tell someone and Jonas is my best friend so he's kind of the obvious choice. Also if I don't start talking to anyone I will probably implode into a cloud of sadness.  
Jonas seems to see that I want to start talking now because he only sits there and waits.  
"It's not because of Sarah." What a great start I think ironically.  
"I thought so much as YOU broke up with her not she with you", Jonas joked half-heartedly, "also that never was really serious, right?"  
"No", I sight, "I guess I just wanted it to work but it definitely was never meant to be."  
He looks at me, probably wanting me to start explaining why it was never meant to be.  
I start looking at the ceiling again and then I finally whisper: "It's not because of her... She's a really nice girl. But that's it she's a girl and I - I don't like girls. I'm gay. "  
I'm still looking at the ceiling but I imagine him widening his eyes while I say the last bit.  
"Okay. Thanks for telling me", he says moving my face with his hand so that I look at him, "look at me. You honestly should know me well enough to know that I don't care at all and that that doesn't change a damn thing."  
Logically I really do know that but I'm still fucking relieved as I hear him say it. I nearly start crying again but luckily I don't. I have done that enough in the last days.  
Jonas hugs me awkwardly from the side and after a few seconds I start hugging him back.  
"Sarah was shit out of luck, huh?", Jonas says when he removes himself from me and grins.  
I grin back: "Yeah, like I said we weren't meant to be."  
"But what I don't get is why you are so broken up after that break up or is that not the only thing that happened?"  
My smile falls from my face as I start thinking about David again.  
"No it wasn't the only thing...I broke up with Sarah because"-, I stopp because I just realise how much I'm telling Jonas but then I look at him and his puppy eyes and I kind of just know that I can trust him.  
"Because there was this guy that I liked somehow. We kissed a few times and shit and I thought he liked me back. But he doesn't", while I talk I start looking at the ceiling again.  
"I'm sorry", Jonas says and lays his hand on my shoulder, "but if he doesn't like you he can't be that great."  
I smile weakly at him and feel a wave of sadness hitting me again. I don't want to tell Jonas anymore. That was more than enough for one evening. Who David is or what exactly happens between us isn't something that needs to be talked over this evening.  
So after a while of sitting there and feeling sad I only state: "Hans said he would tell you to bring Pizza."  
"And I did as the greatest best friend ever that I am", he says, "that might only feel a little bit bad about being so absent in your life for the last couple of weeks."  
"It's okay I didn't talk to you either or said anything", I tell him and give him a real smile, "so... Where's the pizza?"  
"In the living room", he answers.  
So we go to the living room and start eating.  
"How is it with blond Emma Watson?", I ask after some quiet time eating. "Oh it's fine but nothing real" , he says and starts telling me some dumb shit that Abdi pulled today to impress Sam.  
For the rest of the evening we only talk about irrelevant topics. Jonas probably realise that I won't tell him anything more about what's bothering me. I mean he knows me pretty well and just getting out of me what I said this evening is a small wonder itself.  
I feel so much lighter now that I told Jonas and even more so as nothing between us seems different.  
After a short time of the both of us sitting in the living room Hans comes to steal a piece of Pizza and after that Lin and a while after that even Mia comes back from Alex and sits with us in the living room.  
From time to time Jonas or Hans look at me with some kind of expression but I honestly can't tell if they are worried for me or just relieved that I left my room. They just give me weird looks but it's okay.  
Everything is pretty okay at the moment and I nearly forget about David, my parents and everything else that is going on in my life at the moment. But only nearly.


End file.
